“I was at Butter a couple of months ago and the entire cast of Twilight and Gossip Girl were there having a surprise party for Ed Westwick”—GG tour guide. I still can’t beleive this, this whole sentence makes me choke.
New York. 3am. -8 degrees. JET LAGGGGGGGG. NEVER GOING TO SLEEP. hungry. WIDE AWAKE FOREVER. NEVER GOING TO SLEEP. JETTT LAGGGG. HUNGER. Too cold/scared to go out and get food. WAKE UP CHEL AND COME GET SOME AMERICAN GREASE WITH ME.
At this years work Christmas party I am not going to drunkenly befriend the people that smell like dirty undies, that are seedy old rich bastards, that only talk about car exhaust pipes, that have white smiles and initials are BJ.
Because if I do befriend them…
The soggy undies girl will invite me to gigs that only consist of bands that sound like evenansance. And actually think that we are best friends. Like you can be bff with me bitch, your band fucking sounds like evenansance and you think not showering and being obese is “sexy”.
The seedy old rich Asian bastard will tell you he wants to “fuck you”. Well no matter what I do he will probably come up to me so am taking the boyfriend so this time if he does come up to me can get a fist full of FUCK YOU.
I don’t even talk to the “all I love are exhausts pipes guy” because hes a C.U.N.T full stop. And we had a work dispute and hate each other so really shouldn’t go talk to him because I WILL hit him with an exhaust pipe.
And I’m not going to talk to people with the initials BJ because screaming BJ all night gets the male co workers on edge.
Just stay cool, drink all the champas that you can and don’t cry.