"Some bitch lady is death staring me on the train, like actually stared me down head to toe. Stupid bitch is just jealous I’m hot"
Msg from chel to me..
"Yeah, majority of the time their just jealous of your looks. They’re so many freaks that come on trains. At the moment theres this old man who has been walking around, sitting next to random people swearing at them and saying how hes more handsome and inteligent than them. I think he has torrets.."
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you don’t know someone that much and you’re having a pretty intense conversation about your mum, dad siblings etc with them and then they start saying stuff about how their mum has been married three times and they hate thier dads wife cause shes a freak and just saying stuff thats really fucking awkward and you just kinda stare with the same remark to everything “mmm”, “really”. I was just involved in one of those situations for a good ten minutes.
Okay so I’m walking back to work from finishing my lunch break. I go to cross the road at a set of lights and a trady in his ute thats having to wait for me to cross the road yells at me “you’re meant to stop walkin when the mans red”. Well you know what I fucking started walking when he was green and half way in the middle of the road the man started flashing red, what am I meant to do, OH SHIT the mans flashing red I better turn around and go back onto the footpath even though I’m half way across the fucking road. As far as I am concerned it is still legal to cross the road when the man is flashing red.
There’s been a lot said in the media lately about the Swine Flu Epidemic and if, like me, you are finding it hard to separate fact from fiction, here are a couple of tips to help you get through the crisis unscathed:
Fact: Swine Flu is the deadliest disease the human race has ever encountered in its 6,000,000,000,000 year history. Each year over 750 million people die of Swine Flu and its related diseases (cholera, measles, pink-eye, athlete’s foot, indigestion). If you contract Swine Flu you are almost certainly guaranteed to die at some point in your life.
Fact: Once you have Swine Flu, you have it for life. In fact the virus has been found to be so potent that catching it once will cause your children and grand-children to also have the disease, along with their partners, cousins, neighbours and co-workers.
Fact: Most people who contract Swine Flu do so either at work, at home, in the street, in shopping centres, at sporting events, at parties, back at work, in parks or while travelling to and from any of these places. So it would be wise to avoid any of these places, or any of the other places you can contract the disease which I may have forgotten to mention.
Fact: If someone near you coughs or sneezes, they are intentionally trying to infect you with Swine Flu. You should immediately shoot this person and burn their corpse from a distance. It would also be wise to burn their personal belongings, house, car, neighbour’s house and car, the houses and cars of three other people in their street, and their dog.
Fact: If you say the words “Swine Flu” three times while looking into a mirror at midnight, Peter Hellier will appear behind you and tell you abysmally unfunny jokes until you die. Then he will burn your house, car and dog.
Now that you have all the facts about Swine Flu, I hope you can rest easy and secure in your newfound knowledge and not be led astray by media paranoia.
Mariah Carey Dress Design WinnerFrom Mariah Carey
Today at 6:01am
Julian Contreras, winner of the Lusicous Pink Dress Design Contest writes about the experience of receiving the dress of his winning design and having his mom wear it:
“This whole experience has truly been a dream come true. Being a Mariah fan and a first year fashion major made the experience even more exciting. I received my dress on friday 5/22 with a huge box of Mariah’s perfumes. When I opened the box I was amazed how beautiful the dress looked up close, the execution was perfect! I also got a great letter from Mariah’s perfume team. I don’t care if it’s perfume or not I’m still wearing it!
My whole family and friends were really happy for me and wanted to see the dress. Thankfully I received the dress just in time for my moms wedding, she wore it to her after party. She looked absolutely gorgeous in the dress, it was perfect for the night! My mom was so excited because she has been a fan since her first single, she was the one who got me hooked!”
The other dress made from Julian’s design was worn by Mariah and is now auctioned off on eBay to benefit Susan G. Komen. Bid Now!
Auction Located At:
“Your email makes me angsty. My life is a bleak painting of a clown wearing black, and the clown is frowning and sobbing at the same time, his tears dripping into a vase of dead flowers with curled black leaves, black like the clown’s heart which is made of cold, cold onyx ripped from the womb of the earth like a squealing puppy taken from the litter to be sold to a really ugly child who won’t feed it properly or give it enough attention, and the neighbours notice the puppy’s plight but they don’t call the RSPCA because they’re afraid of the child’s mother, who is a notorious drunk that likes to start fights.”—YOU ARE NOT WITTY. JUST STOP. PLEASE. OVER YOU.